Patti Ann Eige (Titus)
(1950 - 2009)

Profile:
Patti Ann Eige (Titus)

Birth:
New Jersey
December 20, 1950

Passing:
Utah
April 14, 2009

Interests:
News, A Course in Miracles, her children and grandchild
Memorial

Patricia Ann Eige (Patti) has finally found her peace that she longed for her entire life.

Patti was born in Manville, New Jersey on December 20, 1950. She is survived by Dawn Titus (daughter), Jenna Radcliffe (daughter), Kevin Radcliffe (son-in-law), Nella Radcliffe (granddaugther), Charles Tonkin (significant other), and other family that she had not had contact with in many years, but who were surely affected by her presence on Earth.

Patti had lived the last 10 months in Bountiful, UT where she moved to be closer to Jenna and Nella.

Patti passed away on April 14, 2009 at 1:35 pm at University of Utah Hospital in Salt Lake City, Utah. She suffered from an auto-immune disease that destroyed her lungs for about 2 years. She passed with loved ones (Jenna, Kevin, and Charles) holding her in her hospital bed. Nella was nearby and Dawn was on speaker phone telling Mom that it was ok to go and have peace now and that she loved her.

Patti's parents were Alma May and Perry Paul Titus Sr. Her parents passed when she was young and she often expressed fond memories of her father. She said she thought his spirit was with her when she saw cardinals.

Patti loved nature (except for poop and the like). She really loved living in the snow and mountains of Utah. She got to see a beautiful late snowfall with accumulation like she loved within a week of her death. And there was also another beautiful snowfall with big flakes the day after she passed. She always had a fondness for horses and enjoyed having dogs or cats throughout her life.

Patti was a Nurse (L.P.N) for many years and carried a lot of nursing knowledge with her until the end and had a lot of pride in having medical knowledge.

We have already found some priceless little treasures that Patti left for her survivors. For example, some photos (particularly of her with Dawn as a baby) that Dawn and I didn't even know she had. And on the back of a photo from her nursing school graduation we found a really funny quote, "Angry at photographer. He tried to kiss me". And you can totally see that in her face. We got a great loving laugh out of that, thinking, "that's definitely Mom".

Mom, you are greatly missed, I think more than ever in your life. You are appreciated, loved, remembered, honored, cherished, forgiven, and here with us in oh so many ways.

I never knew how much you touched my life. And I believe you will continue to touch my life for the rest of my life. You are remembered as a strong woman who always wanted to be a mom and never had as much happiness as she deserved. Enjoy your peace, mom - I'm sure you are. I love you so much always and forever.

ABOUT HER DEATH
4 weeks prior, Patti started to take a turn for the worst. She had more shortness of breath and became increasingly weak. She would say that just lifting a cup to her lips was exhausting. But she did not want to go to the doctor. She didn't want to get a cold or the flu from being in the waiting room. On Sunday April 12 she had finally said she would try to make an appointment for this week and she was grateful that I would take her and get her some other things she needed.

We were preparing to get details on what type of help and care she would be eligible for, but she would say she didn't want help. She didn't even want me, her daughter to see her naked. I tried to assure her I didn't care what she looked like and I didn't mind helping her, and she somewhat agreed that she would ask for help if it got bad enough. But she really wanted to take care of herself and somehow managed until the very very end.

On Monday I was on my way to bring her some things she needed and she had left me a message around noon probably. I called her about 3pm and got no answer, but went over anyway. I went to her door and it was locked and she was moaning and saying I should wait because she was on the floor. I waited for about 10 minutes and then called her landlord. I managed to get her onto the couch again but she scarily fell onto the floor again head first. At that point I had to convince her to let me call 911.

She reluctantly went to the hospital. At least we never had to think much about putting her in a nursing home (one of her biggest fears). She made me promise when I was about 10 years old to never put her in a nursing home.

She persistently argued with the doctors and nurses about her care (not surprisingly). They think she may have had a stroke (her left side was obviously more weak). But after many tests and lots of suffering on my mom's part, they determined she was unable to make her own decisions and called me to come back at 3am. I had left about 1:30am. They told me to not stop for anything on the way but they thought she'd make it at least the half an hour until I got back. I had tried to express all along that she has had a miserable life and had said many times that she just wanted to die.

I decided (based on the options given by the doctors) to keep her on her oxygen until Charles could arrive and they also gave her morphine and adavan so she wouldn't suffer anymore. Dawn also wanted to try to make it before Mom died, but was unable to so we had her on speaker phone for the event instead.

Kevin came with Nella around 11:00am and Charles arrived about 12:30pm. Not long after, we were ready to remove her oxygen mask. We had permission to swab her mouth with chocolate ice cream. She didn't swallow, but she got to die with one more pleasure that she had really wanted (especially the whole time she had been at the hospital). We watched her breath less and less and turn different colors. We all wanted her to have the peace that she longed for so much. I'm so happy that she had so many people loving her as she passed (considering she inadvertantly pushed so many people away).

Also, I am happy to have given her the special gift of staying awake longer than ever in my life (more than 36 hours). I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

AFTER DEATH
Patti was cremated today Friday, April 17 and Dawn and I will pick up the remains together next weekend. I will be ordering a special box or urn to keep the majority of the ashes and Dawn and Charles will keep some smaller version.

We had a beautiful memorial at my home which included only Charles, Kevin, Nella and myself. We video-taped it so Dawn can see when she comes to be with Kevin and me this weekend (April 25-27). We shared a Pepperidge Farm chocolate fudge cake that had been left in Mom's freezer. One of many many that she had me get for her in the last 10 months as we were doing her grocery shopping. She was eating a lot of sweets, but fortunately, she had stopped smoking completely for over 6 months when she passed on (way to go, Mom!). I should add here, that when she was diagnosed with the disease affecting her lungs, the doctor said that it was not related to smoking (surprisingly).

Even though she called a lot and had lots and lots of worries to share with all of us, there is a sad void where her emails and phone messages used to be. Yet, at the same time there is the beginning of a beautiful new wholeness where she is remembered fondly and all the frustrations that were, are just laughable memories now.

For me her passing has been one of, if not THE most beautiful journeys of my life. I cry, I smile, I miss, I feel relief, I grow, and I want the whole world to know how much I love my Mom and that her life had so much more value than anyone ever realized.

"I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living,
My mommy you'll be" - from book Love You Forever by Robert Munsch


FROM CHARLES:
Patti came into my life like everything else in her life: hard. She claimed she knew we were meant to be together… while I knew no such thing. For some reason I cannot begin to fathom, she adored me, worshipped me, treated my like a king. And for the longest time, her actions didn’t have much impact on my feelings for her… Over time though, I began to accept and appreciate her. And over more time, I came to love her.

Patti saved my life. She got me to turn it in a healthy direction (relatively) and made it possible for me to again become part of my mother’s, sister’s and children’s lives. She was influential in me becoming more responsible with my finances as well. I, in turn, tried to make it possible for her to again become part of her family’s lives and provide her the financial means to do so.

During the time Patti has been in my life, the traits of hers that made it difficult to be around her became increasingly more pronounced. It caused her much agonizing, worry and misery and certainly led to her social isolation. It became easy for most to simply want to avoid her. And when she expressed a desire for us to separate last summer, despite me not wanting to, these traits also made it easier for me to accept… But it did not diminish my desire to take care of and help her. I could (usually) see that, no matter how negative or annoying her words or behavior, the motivation behind them was based on love and caring.

Scott Peck claimed in The Road Less Traveled that Love is not a feeling, but an action. Until now, I’ve believed that to be true. Patti didn’t and we’d periodically debate whether love was an emotion or not. Continuing to be supportive of Patti and helping her out after we separated was an act of love. But with her passing, I now realize that she was right… love is indeed a feeling as well as an action. I miss her more painfully than I ever would have imagined possible. I clearly see how she’s impacted my life. All those annoying things about how to clean or what not to touch or whatever (those who knew her know: there’s a million of them)… They’re still with me… will always be with me… She’s become the voice in my head. Ironically (since I didn’t hear it as particularly reasonable when coming from Patti), she’s become the voice of reason in my head… She’s going to continue to save my life and help me keep it headed in a (relatively) healthy direction.

Patti could never completely trust my love for her. Harry Nilsson’s lyrics in ¬Something True conveys my wish for her better than anything I can write:
“Something true
To show you what I am to you
Something real
To cause your heart to rush with love
To cause your mouth to rush to mine
And make your eyes ignore what isn’t real”

If there’s a heaven, we can all rest assured that it’ll be completely disinfected and sanitized by the time we get there.

Thanks Patti… I’m a better person for having known you.
I’ll love you for always.

FROM DAWN:
When thoughts consume your life
Love cultivates Peace and Joy, You will see it everywhere
Equally
Negativity will do the same
A Faceless Enemy - A Theif of Life

Choices, choices formed by both love and tragedy
Many paths available, guided by both fear and hope
Choices influenced by actions born from experiences

Miracles can make seen the light of love, now uncovered
Miracles can change minds and release hostages, now unchained
Miracles can happen. Miracles do happen. Miracles are happening.




My mom is now free from the despair of her mind and the frailty of
her body. I am relieved for her.

I feel free in many new ways as well.
Free to fogive deeply, love honestly, accept authenticly and
be more kind.

I love you mom, my heart was never able to not love you.

Choices, paths and experiences of my own.
From love, tragedy, fear and hope.
Have made more sense to me now than ever before.

I am your daughter, an apple under your tree.
We have both been set free and for that I could not be more grateful.
I LOVE YOU MOMMY, NOW AND FOREVER ! Infinitely Dawn Marie

Some people have said :
Hindsight is 20/20
Out of Sorrow comes great Joy
An end on earth is just another begining for the spirits journey.
I will agree

ALSO FROM DAWN:
This song reminds me of my mom's life and death. I think she would embrace the lyrics and sing it with me for her. After each verse, I added my loving 2 cents. [ ] spelling doesnt count.

When all the dark clouds roll away, and the sun begins to shine,
I see my freedom from across the way, and it comes right in on time.
Well it shines so bright and it gives so much light,
and it comes from the sky above. Makes me feel so free, makes me feel like me, and it lights my life with love.
[Hope, hope that someday there will be nothing but love, light and freedom.]

Chorus: And it seems like and it feels like, and it seems like and it feels like. A brand new day, A brand new day. [It will be so beautiful]

I was lost, double crossed, with my hands behind my back. I was longtime hurt and thrown in the dirt, shoved out on the railroad track. I've been used, abused and so confused and I had no where to run. But I stood and looked, and my eyes got hooked on that beautiful morning sun.
[Faith, faith that the amount of joy attained will be not equal to, but greater than the pain endured.]

Chorus

And the sun shines down all on the ground yeah the grass is oh so green. And my heart is still and I've got the will, and I dont really feel so mean. Here it Comes, Here it Comes, Here it comes right now, and it comes right in on time. Well it eases me and it pleases me and it satisfies my mind.
[Peace, A peace that all is finally well and safe, and a big sigh of relief warms the soul and makes it smile infinetly]

Chorus And so it is. Amen Namaste Love Dawn


FROM LISA (Jenna's childhood friend):
When I first met Patti I was in middle school. So whenever I think about her, I think of those times. I spent many hours in the 1 bedroom apartment she shared with Jenna where she would often give up her own bed so Jenna and I could sit and talk about anything and everything until all hours of the night. If I remember correctly, she didn’t like for Jenna to have people over, but she always allowed me there and treated me like family. Jenna and I were both picky eaters but she made things that surprisingly she and I both liked. Strips of steak, macaroni and cheese. Patti’s apartment was also where I first met Gabe whom I have been with for over 10 years now. So although indirect, I associate Patty with meeting my best friend and my husband-to-be, so mostly good memories.

I remember riding in the back of her station wagon. Not the back seat, but the actual back, so Jenna and I were facing the car behind us. We drove around and listened to the radio. It was a really fun time and I remember her seeming happy, something of a rarity. But of course to good always comes with bad and I do remember her being difficult to get along with and feeling angry towards her because she caused Jenna a lot of frustration.

After Jenna moved in with her father, I never saw Patty much. I only have a few vague memories of seeing her after that. The last time I saw her she was living with Charles and I remember very little about it other than I think we had gone to the store to get her a few things.

Random thoughts:

Flushing the toilet too hard

Garbage juice

Entemens Devils food donuts

A drop of water being ALL over the counter

Upstairs neighbors she thought were stomping on purpose
Eau De Toilette (aka ew the toilet)



Guest Book Wall (What is this?)

Hover your mouse over the wall images to see each guest book entry.

Guest Book (15 entries)
Jenna,

What a wonderful tribute to your Mother? Some believe we pick our parents based upon the opportunities for growth they provide. It's amazing to me the growth that your Mother offered you and your willingness to continue to turn to Love in the mist of the storm. Thank you for sharing this and your love with me. Hugs to you and Nella.

Loving you always,

Celeste
Celeste Cohorn
May 23rd, 2009
What a beautiful tribute. I am deeply sorry for your loss and hope that you find comfort in knowing your mom has found peace and will be watching over you.
Lnda Santiago (Dawn's Friend)
May 17th, 2009
Oh mommy, I'm so sad. Sad for what we didn't share and the chances being gone. My grief and regret overwhelm me at times. What comforts me is knowing that you were not alone and you had happiness and love in your life. The photo's I have now of you with Nella, Jenna, Kevin and me too, are such a treasure. Your genuine smile and light shining with joy in many of them. Today is mothers day and I will enjoy some chocolate cake later, thinking of you. I miss you, I'm sorry and I love you.
Your daughter
Dawn Marie
Infinitely
Dawn Titus (Daughter)
May 10th, 2009
Patti I know that you have finally found the peace the you have sought for so long. I wish you knew how much you were loved while you lived. You will always hold a special place in my heart and I know that I will see you again.
Irma Hermey (sister-in-law)
May 2nd, 2009
I am so sad to know that Aunt Patti is no longer with us. I also remember when Aunt Patti, Dawn and Jenna came to visit us in Rochester. We had some fun while they were here. I only regret that we didn't get a chance to know each other better.
I think that this is a nice way to remember and pay tribute to your mom. Thank you for setting this up so that we could pay our respects also.
Shelly Colf (Niece)
April 30th, 2009
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Audio

Candles

"I wish I could see you again. Happy Birthday!"
Nella Radcliffe
December 20th, 2014
"This song makes me think of you, "How could anyone ever tell you, you were anything less than beautiful" I love you so much. The song made us both very teary today. We miss you so much and hope you are enjoying your life in heaven. Love, Nella"
Nella Radcliffe
April 14th, 2014
"Dear Nanny, I miss you. You are very nice. It was fun to be with you. Love, Nella"
Nella Radcliffe
April 14th, 2013
"Thank you for everything, Mom. I love you and miss you. You continue to be nothing less than beautiful. Love, Jenna"
Jenna Radcliffe
April 13th, 2011
"Happy Birthday Patti! You are greatly missed."
Lisa Chase
December 19th, 2010
"Loving you today and always, Mom. Happy Birthday! Love, Jenna"
Jenna Radclifee
December 19th, 2010
"Happy Birthday MOM! Loving you lots today!"
Jenna Radcliffe
December 20th, 2009
"HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY MOM!!! May it be the best ever! I love you soooooooooooo much."
Jenna Radcliffe
May 10th, 2009
""Let your soul and sprit fly mom. I Love You""
Dawn Titus
April 27th, 2009
"Patti: I hope and pray you have found the peace and comfort that we often spoke about. I miss you now more than words can express; and more painfully than you ever would've thought possible. I hope that changes... Regardless: I'll love you forever."
Charles Tonkin
April 24th, 2009

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