Lylah Denise Dow
(2008 - 2008)

Profile:
Lylah Denise Dow

Birth:
Indiana, United States of America
July 31, 2008

Passing:
July 31, 2008


Memorial

Her Story..... A WISH GRANTED..............................
Lylah Denise Dow
Born still July 31st, 2008. That pregnancy was the second happiest day of my life next to our wedding day. What can be better than knowing you are starting a family with the man of your dreams on your sixth month anniversary?? (December 6th, 2007)Nothing!! I took a pregnancy test only being two weeks late. It was a Sunday. I cried, tears of joy when I finally pee'd on that stick and instantly two lines appeared!! I ran into the kitchen and hugged Andy. All our dreams were coming true. My purpose was here and life had finally started.
Dad and Matty first visited us in December 2007. We were all so excited that we started buying baby things right away!! A beautiful crib. I had to wait and watch it empty for 9 long months. I had felt my whole life that I just couldn't wait to be a mother. I bought books, upon books of pregnancy info, what to expect when you're expecting and journals, did research and asked everyone all i could learn. First time I heard her heartbeat it was a miracle!! A strong one. "an active one" exclaimed the doctor. Andy went with me to as many visits as he could in the beginning, and then his mom, Connie went a couple of times.
I agonized for weeks in February about finding out the sex of the baby. Andy wanted to wait and be surprised. I just couldn't handle the way everyone kept asking me what sex the baby was or when I was due, or if I felt one way or the other about what I might be having. Our first sonogram determined that the baby was smaller than they thought and I wasn't as far along as they had thought either. We got our first pictures of her, and she looked right at us. It was a miracle, in itself. We also found out my due date would be my 31st birthday. August 4th, 2008. I had always told everyone that I wanted to be a mom by the time I was 30, and now I would be!! Two weeks later we had a follow up sonogram so they could check all 4 chambers of the heart. I had conned Andy into finding out what the sex of the baby was. Two nurses came in and said it was clearly a girl!!! We were stunned! There were few girls on his side of the family.And everyone kept saying it was a boy. I felt at this time everything was alining. I knew b/c of the due date and my aunts recent passing, that this was all meant to be. A beautiful daughter. Now the only thing was to decide and agree upon a name. We agreeded early on the middle name would be Denise after my aunt. And after looking at a million names in baby books, Andy finally liked Lylah. It just felt right. We started reading Dr. Suess to her every night. She listened to music with headphones on my belly. (Her daddy is quite the musician/genius.) I talked to her all the time (in the shower and in the car).
When she started kicking, I was in heaven. I could always be found rubbing the belly. We decided to give her a nickname (peanut). But eventually just called her Lylah. When I look back I think it hurt worse, losing her after all that time b/c I had been calling her by name and falling more and more in love with her. Getting so attached. I was a bragger too. I figured that I had waited 30 years, now I wanted to brag!! I told everyone I knew, and customers at my job. Everyone was so happy. I was exstatic to celebrate mother's day, and so elated to get Andy a "daddy" shirt. I tried to get him to "bond" with her as much as I could, and i knew this would only make her more of a daddy's girl -starting in the womb. We tried not to buy too-much pink. At first we just bought yellows and greens, which is ok b/c I love the color yellow. Then everyone started buying us pink and we bought a couple girly outfits just from the two of us. I started collecting giraffe-things. They are everywhere. Back in December Andy bought a bedding set with Noah's Ark we found at K-mart, it was his first gift to her. I couldn't wait to see him as a father. Everyone always says, oh, that Andy, he'll be such a great dad. He's just one of those people that animals and kids flock to, you know? I knew that when we met.
She always had such a strong heartbeat, even the doctor always said so. I had the flu at the beginning of pregnancy, but after that Andy was the one who got morning sickness. A really healthy pregnancy. I guess I thought, or was under the impression that once you're so far along that things like this don't happen... Before now I never knew anyone that this happened to. It was my last doctor's appt, July 29th, a tuesday, since I was soo close to the end, Andy went with me, in case I was dialating. They weighed me, I had lost a pound ( i felt kinda dumb inside) - huh? Okay, maybe this happens near the end.. We went in and waited for the doctor. He came in with his usual banter and asked his usual questions, any bleeding or cramping?? I answered no as usual. And I'll never forget I laid on the table and he went to listen to the heartbeat. It had been for 9 months easy as pie to find instantly. I felt a strange pit in my chest. I looked at him and Andy, they had questionable concern on their faces. He summoned the other doctor in. Still nothing. I just kept on looking to all their faces for answers. It was a slow nightmare. They turned down the lights and tried another machine to see for movement or a heartbeat. Silence. They moved us to another room. All the nurses were standing in the hallway, looking at us, with those looks.. I couldn't really wrap my head around what was going on. They tried looking again with yet another machine. Silence. My femaile doctor left the room. The other doctor shut the door and told us, she had passed. I just kept looking at him for something else. For him to say, oh no, there it is. Or let's enduce now. I kept thinking, no, this is all a mistake. He left Andy and I alone after he told us what must happen. We had to be induced and have her. He said we could go right to the hospital now or go home and come back in 24 hrs. Andy wanted to go home.
When the doctor left us alone to decide, all I could say to Andy was "i'm sorry", I was numb. He held me so tight. We were soo close to having our little one home with us- but she was already gone. I had a glimmer of hope they were wrong, but deep down I knew they weren't that cruel and the look on their faces said it all. A bad dream, that's all it felt like. How could this happen to us? It got even worse when we went to leave and all the nurses and doctor's were looking at us. I couldn't look up. And there in the waiting room, all the pregnant women, and their looks. How could this be?? We stopped in at Andy's sister's bank where she works, Andy went in. Honestly I don't even know how he could drive. He went in and came out with her, her face was as white as a ghost. She reached in the car and hugged me, I was in a fog. Later on when I talked to her, she said that everyday she's at work, all she sees is Andy coming through the door. Then we headed home. I just sat there on the couch. Frozen. I called dad, and told him. He said if it was ok, he would be there to visit by weeks end. (He was to visit with my brother after Lylah's birth), then I called mom and Kathy. Mom went hysterical. She screamed like I wanted too and felt inside, but didn't. Kathy cried, saying she would do whatever she had or could to help, I was "her family" she said. Disbelief.
I called to set up a time to be induced. The cruelty of it all. To go through this journey with no gift. No Lylah. Disbelief. I, who had never been in the hospital for anything, had to go in and get induced and give birth to a silent baby. The night before, we had our usual routine, go upstairs, crawl into bed together. I knew Andy would never be able to sleep. But we had no choice. We packed for the next morning. We had to be there by 7.
First thing was first, I was given a cathader in my cervix to help get me dialated. That lasted for 8 hours. With only slight help. Then around 2ish, I was given some medicine in my cervix to help dialate me. I had to be 3-4 centimeters before they could give me pitocin and get things moving. It was an ever so slow process. They wanted me to rest and let the medicine try to work until the next morning. I was up all night. My contractions started slowly but surely and were constant. I paced the floor doing my breathing until I got my epidural. By sunrise I was feeling no pain and they gave me more med's to knock me out. I woke up at merely noon on Thursday. I was checked and finally had gotten some progress. At 2pm I started to push. I knew I would have her around 4. The doctor's wanted to turn down the med's but I had Amy tell me when my contractions were coming and I just kept pushing. Numbness. They all kept saying, your almost there. Two nurses, the doctor, Andy on my left, Amy on my right. And then at 4:04 p.m., Lylah was born still. My heart skipped a beat, waiting to hear a cry, or some sign they had been wrong. There wasn't any. I was scared at what she may looked like. I had spoken with the nurses before about holding her, and pictures and seeing her, so I felt better. All the staff was comforting and told me all what to expect. She weighed 6lbs 5oz's and was 21 1/2 inches long. Some of her skin was peeling, and her head was kinda coney, but overall she looked beautiful. The most beautiful baby that i'd ever seen. The nurse wrapped her up and I held her ther in bed. My face was so swollen, I just kept on looking at Andy, I didn't know what to say. "she has my thin lips, and your nose", he said. A perfect combination of the two of us. Looking back now, I wish I could have held her longer. Kept her with us for the night. But once I let her go, that was goodbye. I'm a mom, she did exist, our baby. 30 years of waiting, 9 months of planning.
I could go on in detail I guess, but I wanted to highlight on the memories we had with her, even though she was still in my belly. I wanted to tell her story, although grim, her's none the less. I'm not sure who exactly will read this, but I hope it makes them feel not so alone. Other than reading other people's storys on the computer, I feel like no one knows what I'm going through. I guess in my little "bubble" I never realized these things can and do happen, to good even great people. I just take it one day at a time. I wake up, I breathe in and out, go to work, cry and love Andy. She was and is ours, a wish that I wished for that was granted.
If only everyone knew how miraculious a child is. A gift from god.
It has been 4 weeks all i can keep thinking is that i should have a 4 week old at home with me.....
We love you Peanut....


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iLasting Staff
November 25th, 2008
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"Mommy misses you and wants you to know that Daddy and I will always love you peanut!!"
Lori Dow
September 5th, 2008

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